Every year, on the 31st, I sit down with myself, in silence, sipping coffee and writing a personal yearly review. It has become one of my favourite traditions, as when I read my ‘journal’ entries back, my heart fills with love for the growth, the lessons and the memories I’ve documented.
2018 was about transformation. Since I became familiar with Gabby Bernstein’s work and motto about choosing love over fear, I never looked back. This is what defined my year. I decided to deal with my fears and to choose a loving perspective over myself and my life. I’ve had an incredible year and I want to talk about it, celebrate it, milk every drop of joy, gratitude and hope I can, to see me through into 2019.
My year started with recovering from my identity crisis, reconnecting with myself, my family and my inner voice. I finally heard it and felt it again: I was going to be OK.
I returned to the UK after a month and a half break and I felt like myself again. Soon after, I found a part-time job with a startup as a freelance social media executive. I soon fell in love with Tempo and am now a permanent member of the gang, leading the marketing team.
I continued travelling and enjoying life, working on myself to overcome my fears and limiting beliefs, while getting over a relationship. I started having fun again, being happy and grateful, falling back in love with myself. Summer was filled with friends, wellbeing, sun and laughter.
Soon after, I met my current boyfriend and although extremely anxious and apprehensive, I let go slowly and gave love another chance. Being with someone who challenges me, yet is fully committed to our relationship is the combination of stability and adventure I’ve always sought. I am learning so much, growing up finally, embracing a new chapter of my life, understanding what a partnership is really about.
My biggest achievement in 2018 however is being anxiety-free, 90% of the time – which is a massive improvement compared to previous years. I learned so much about myself and how to manage my anxiety and I transformed my life. I made room for love, acceptance, all of the emotions and I found peace. This process wasn’t easy, nor did it happen overnight, but every year gets better.
Autumn was all about vulnerability. Talking about my biggest fears to others, not afraid of judgement or being abandoned. I faced the root cause of all my insecurities and anxiety and worked fearlessly at changing the story I tell myself, about myself.
I worked with my deep-rooted beliefs that I am: too emotional, too complicated, too this, too that, not good enough, not deserving of love… Such a painful process. Saying these things out loud still feels uncomfortable and shameful.
But soon, being too emotional became having a high emotional IQ and the blessing to live life with intensity and passion. Too complicated became beautiful and sensitive. Not good enough is still one I struggle with, but when I look back at my achievements, or, most importantly, when I look inside my heart and soul, and see the kindness, the love and the hope that still lays there, I know I am enough. I am worthy. And I most definitely am deserving of love and good.
Winter came quickly and it was about family and love. I am lucky to have it all at the moment, and conscious that it can be taken away at any time. So I never, EVER, take my life and blessings for granted. I wake up and give thanks every day. I express my love to all around me and try to help anyone that is in need.
For the first time ever, there are no major resolutions I want to make. If I can hold on to what I have for another year, it’s the only achievement I need.
However, on my 10-year plan (yes, I have one and I love it!) there’s still so much I want to do. I am sharing this because I want to encourage you to dream big and long-term. Set a loose direction you want to go into and not worry about how you’ll get there. Just trust that you will.
Buy my dream house
Become a nutritionist
Become a life coach
Write one best-selling book
Do a TED talk
Have a family
I am wishing you all, from the bottom of my heart, a great year! And the only advice I have is to believe, in better, greater, more. If you are to set a goal, work on dealing with whatever fear is holding you back. #loveoverfear